it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
