i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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