Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
