A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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