I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
