I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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