He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
