I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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