i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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