I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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