I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
