Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
