If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
