My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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