Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
