One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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