My first STD was from a foam party
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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