She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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