he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
