i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We have started to decorate penises.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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