I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
