you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
