I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
