All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
