well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
