I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
