apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
