how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
