I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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