is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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