Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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