My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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