I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Pooping to opera.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
