I puked a lego.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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