you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well I just put wine in my tea
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
