We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't notice because vodka
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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