Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
