I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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