you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
