what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
