The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
