I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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