Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
