it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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