you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
