if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
