theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
