just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
