In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Drake has all the answers
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
