I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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