Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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