You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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