I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
