I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
