maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize