You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
