nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
