I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
