Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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