listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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