My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
