Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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