Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
