Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
