im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
