Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
