Are we in a gay sports bar?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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