we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
