Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
