I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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