you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
