Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
