I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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