There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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