Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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