Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize